From DListed:
The Keeper of the Unicorn Forest even brings the raw sparkly emotion when he's got a lobster bib tied around his neck and an ear of corn in his hand. Look at him smoldering out of his every pore. I don't know if he wants to throw that corn into a fire or seductively breathe onto its neck (yes, corn cobs have necks) like he's ready to suck an orgasm out of it.
That corn just wants to dry up and pop into a bowl of buttery popcorn. Maybe then RPattz will be pleased with it? Who knows, but I do know that I need to see more dramatic performances like this when I go to Red Lobster. We shouldn't laugh and smile over lobsters. We must brooooooood.
Anyway, RPattz did a whole lot of simmering in December's Vanity Fair. The shoot was typical RPattz. In one photo, he's like "Oh hey, look at me! I'm James Dean." And in another, he's like "Oh hey, look at me! I'm using a piano like an ottoman." Etc...Etc....
In the interview with Vanity Fair, RPattz once again denies that he's rubbing on that Kristen Stewart chick. RPattz said, “It doesn’t make any difference what you say to the tabloids. I’ve literally been across the country from Kristen, and it’s like ‘Oh, they were on secret dates!’ It’s like ‘Where? I can’t get out of my hotel room!’ ”
I believe him. I mean, he doesn't have time to fuck on girls when he's too busy pondering over things like corn.
Previously: Michael K. weighs in on "Robert Pattinson's I can't get a date quote"
Check out DListed for more sarcastic hilarity :)
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91 comments:
LMAO, this was hysterical. You know Rob could suck an orgasm out of an ear of corn!
The funniest is how Michael K. makes it seem like the poses and looks in the photos were Rob's idea.
dlisted is the best blog, omg. he's so nasty yet hilarious!! The whole thing about red lobster and having no time for kstew cause he's too busy making out with corn..ahhahahahahah
Yep, Rob is probably the only man that absolutely could suck an orgasm out of an ear of corn- hilarious!
Haha! Brilliant!
Amen! Only Rob could get an inanimate object to orgasm!
He kills me every time he talks about Rob.ROTFLMAO
I love this bitch!!!
like he's ready to suck an orgasm out of it.
tears....oh oh...can't breathe...bwaaaahhaaahaaa...eww eww ...oh God ....that was funny~
Only Rob could make corn on the fucking cob a SEX object!
Come to think of it... It does have the right shape and is slippery, warm and wet!
Damn! I need me some cotc!
ROTF!!! Ouchies my tummy hurts!! I'm suddenly having a craving for corn myself! ;-p
Thx for posting!
lmao @ rpattzgirl "slippery, warm & wet"
RPG-jeez, woman, how am I ever gonna eat another ear of corn with a straight face?! LMFAO ;))
I was thinking that too, RPlover. Better redo my dinner menu for next week. I don't want to have to explain THAT to my husband.
LOL @ Emily :)
"uh, honey? how come you're licking the corn? aren't you gonna bite it? ouch, why does that hurt?!"
is it wrong that I just want to suck the butter off his fingers? *evil grin*
@rpl & emily,
lmao! I don't think I will ever look at cotc the same way again!
I'd like to smear him in butter and have at it!
Oh no RPlover, it's not wrong. And I hate seafood.
He makes anything and everything sexy. I mean, come on, this picture done with anyone else would be completely ridiculous.
rpg - LOL! Careful, he'll be slippery!
Rob just has to look at cotc and it starts popping!!
the next time I make some I am gonna giggle like a frickin' idiot ;)))
RPG - too funny :)) only rob could make corn look good, i would lick the butter dripping from his fingers any day. he is just so freaking gorgeous.
@ Emily-who the hell else do you know who can make a lobster bib look sexy? he is one of a kind, LOL!
I love seafood, not the lingering fishy smell...the morning after might be pretty funky ;)
OMG! LOLOLOL!! I don't know whats funnier....The corn porn talk/observation from Michael K... or your comments regarding the stalk..I mean COC...oh shit...thats not right either..Oh well, anyways..thx for the happy!
The lobster bib totally completes the look. I love it and I would love to know what was going through his mind as they set up the shot.
I mean, first they tie a plastic bib on him and then hand him the corn. Did they have him eat it or did it come pre-nibbled? Just ignore me, my mind works in weird ways sometimes.
emily - i was thinking the same exact thing, is it just props or did he really eat some of it. i hope he would nibble at the corn and not touch corn someone else nibbled at - i guess my mind is weird too.
ROTFL! I was thinking the same thing! and if he did chomp on it, how come there are bites here and there...is that sexier than biting in rows like how I've always eaten it? can you just imagine his reaction when they came at him with the bib..."you want me to wear what?!"
oh Rob, can we just have a nibble? ;))
it is for this reason ALONE that we need the video so bad! hahaha
I'm glad I'm not alone!
I guess it's probably fake. Same with the lobster.
But I'd bet money the beer is real!
RPL - i would LOVE to see the video for this and HB photoshoot. do they always keep a video of the photoshoot like VF last year???
The video of this would probably kill me.
Has anyone gotten this VF yet? I called Barnes & Noble (*cough twice cough*) and they hadn't gotten it yet.
Oh and the same lady answered both times. That's not embarrassing.
Ana73-I really don't know, but the hour long one after the last Twilight shoot gives me hope. Just wish there had been some more sound to it, but that didn't stop me from watching it twice!
I'm sure they all know we want it bad, so I hope they will deliver!
now that would be a Rob Video I would buy!
Omfg! Rob & the cotc could be a whole FF!!! Just throw in the pajammies, the piano & the corona and what a night it could be... Slipping & sliding all over the piano!!
Emily, did you use a different voice the second time? that's too funny ;)
I haven't gone looking for it because my hubby would give me too much crap! That's why I depend on Gozde :)
and my guess is that he probably brought the beer himself! lol
i did that last year when i was waiting the EW weekly to come out with Twilight but i kept on going into the B&N and it was the same lady everytime that was working, i felt embarrassed too. she knows me now LOL.
RPG-sounds like it's almost writing itself, go for it!!
trying to think of a decent title...
Perfect timing ... Just saw the nm Volvo commercial.. Gah!!!
The way he scampers over to her with his shirt flapping... Damn..
i usually dont buy the magz because of my husband but i have turned my daughter into a rob lover so i just have to put it in her room so i am buying both :)
RPG - i agree about the FF, alot of these pics from both shoots could make great stories, too bad i dont write.
Yep, corn cob shots are about as gay as they come, was counting on Dlisted to pick right up on that!
Bring on the slash fic Michael!
"Slippery Salty Sweet Nothings"
"Corny Days and Buttery Nights"
cripes, I'm not even drinking tonight! LOL
i over analyzed the pic... to me it looks like he did bite the corn and has the kernels stuck in his tooth and he is sitting there staring and wonder how to look sexy while picking the kernels out of his teeth with his tongue. ok my mind is really wandering now.
Dark side of the cob
Rob of the corn
Rob & his cob!!
Master of the corn
Rpl
we missed our calling!
seriously, LMFAO! I vote for "Rob and his Cob" it's got the best ring to it ;)))
LOL! I should have disguised my voice. I will tomorrow when I call. Good idea!
I don't know why but I always want to own the magazine even though it's silly since the pictures are up here. I usually make my husband buy them because he works right next to a B&N. But I think he's not going to do it anymore. I guess it's getting a little awkward for him.
"It's for my wife again, I swear."
"Uh-huh, sure."
Rob the Cob Master-for all the gay ff fans ;)
@Emily, good for him that he's bought them for you so far! lol sounds like a keeper-mine would just give me that "excuse me?" look!
mine husband would have said "are you f**king kidding me" he will buy me twilight stuff - tshirt, cd - but no on the magz.
Or...
Master of Robs Cob...yummy
omg, that last one may have put me over the edge, I gotta stop. :)
RPL - your mind went in a total different direction with "rob the cob master" LOL
rpg, I meant mine-your last one may be the best ever!!
Ana73-yeah, I may have crossed a line there! ;))
RPG - totally off subject, what FF are you reading right now. i am reading master of the universe with about 9 or 10 waiting on updates.
Oh, he gives me that look too. LOL I've only had him get me the ones that can pass as Twilight articles. Like Entertainment Weekly and those Us Weekly - Sexy stars of Twilight. I've had to get my own copy of GQ etc.
I asked him this morning if he'd go to B&N for me and he said "What for?" I said "Vanity Fair" trying to make it sound like I'm a regular reader. He just rolled his eyes. He's on to me...
Ana73
I'm also reading motu... God I love it!
Just finished my yes my no... It's amazing as well.. Just posted the epi tonight, sorry to see that one end.. Also reading blood & lust!
uh-oh! he's getting wise...LOL It's pretty well known in my house that I loved the Twi books, I've read them three times so far! so that's how I've been trying to pass off my interest...don't know how well it's working, though!
He used to watch Alias with me just because he thought Jennifer Garner was hot, and I didn't give him a hard time, so I'm hoping he'll continue to look the other way! ;)
ok you lost me what is MOTU???
i am behind on MYMN so i will catch up this weekend, cant believe it ended already.
the other good one is the blessing and the curse
has anyone read Sacrificial Lamb? I read the first chapter and there was some pretend rape, not sure how I felt about that. But maybe I should give it another try, all my other FF's are stalled!
RPL - my husband couldn't understand how i could read the same books over. i am starting to read the first two over because of the movie but he hasn't noticed yet.
Master of the universe!
Ignorance is bliss...
I'm re-reading New Moon too and I still cried. And I know I'll cry at the end also. It's my favorite of the series.
Ana-I'm a big one for re-reading books, but never the same 4 books 3 times in one summer...I'm pretty sure they all think I'm a tad crazy, but if this was their first clue then they haven't been paying attention! :)
i started to read the BOOKS - black dagger brotherhood stories- i really like them...so each book has the word "lover" in it and my 5 year old is learning his letters and we have magnets on the frig. and i was in the bedroom and he was spelling love and i said "oh how nice" and he said "no wait mom i am not done" and he put a "r" at the end and i was like "where did you see that word" and he said "the front of your book" so now i put the books away. LOL that's all i need is for him to go to school and say "i know how to spell - lover"
Emily, I just finished the new Dan Brown book so I need another one...and I think I'm gonna start the series AGAIN-I want to read NM before the movie, too, but I can't read them out of sequence. Here come the eye rolls from the family! LOL like I care ;)
RPG - ok you know i am tired, that one just flew right over my head. dont you love the story.
Ana that is too funny! my 2 year old is always in the room with me when I'm on here and she'll say "who's that?" I just say, "just a guy" very nonchalantly. She's gonna rat me out someday!
RPlover - My husband is reading that. Did you like it? He says it's pretty good so far.
I debated on re-reading New Moon before the movie. I don't want the details of the book too fresh in my mind because then I might get bugged when things are different in the movie. But really, the changes in Twilight didn't bother me for the most part so I'm sure I'll still love it.
RPL - my son says that robert pattinson is my boyfriend, i just tell him "i wish son".
emily - i thought of that too but from everything that CW says, i think that it is going to be pretty close to the book. i haven't read the series over again since february of this year so that is why i am refreshing.
Ana73..
I do love it... Honestly I love just about all of them...
I'm waiting on a million to update too.. So many it's hard to keep them all straight..
Edwards Eclipse is good too.. Just started that one and the awakening..
My 3 year old recognizes Rob's picture. When we see his picture she says - and I quote, "Rob is cute. And he has pretty hair."
Needless to say, my husband is less than thrilled about that. I say it just shows how smart she is.
LOL about your daughter ratting you out!
Emily, yeah, I debated, too, but I think it'll be ok, Rob will distract me from any discrepancies! I'm almost done with Lost Symbol, it's good but didn't grab me as much as the first two. There's some pretty good twists at the end, though!
LOL, Ana! ah, son, if only... ;))
I think so too, Ana. Everything we've seen so far has been perfect.
I haven't read the books for a long time either. I've read them quite a few times except BD. I've only read that one once. I liked it, it's just such an long book and it makes me sad that they're over.
RPG - no kidding the other day i was reading an update and i got confused to which story i was reading. you really should give the blessing and the curse a try, i think that you will like it.
I read the New Moon script... It's pretty close to the book... But there are things different... I really liked it...
Ok I'm off to read... Night ladies..
LOL-"pretty hair" :) When I'm at the top of the page she always counts the Rob's in the banner before I scroll down. What are we doing to these kids?! HAHA
night, RPG! :)
Night rpg!
Have some corn before you go to bed. Maybe that will channel sweet Rob dreams.
RPL - no kidding. my son talks about vampires like they are real, i have to tell him that it's all fake.
ok, i am off to bed myself, it was great talking to you all but i have to get up early for my suck-ass job. Good night!!!!!
Goodnight Ana! Aww, I hope your job gets better!
Night Ana!
I think I'm off, too, I'm sure I'll bump into you all tomorrow! :)
sweet Rob dreams, ladies...
Goodnight RPL! Can I call you RPL? :)
I think I'll go make some popcorn...
This guy is hysterical, you sure you're not married to him Godzie? He has your humor. I love it!
of course you can :))
careful, it gets slippery! have a good night!
Twilusted - Umm...your avi is freakin gorgeous.
Haha! You too, RPL.
"the corn popped is" Yoda Twilmom.
@ RPlover & rpattzgirl ROFLMAO!!! You girls are hilarious. After all the speculating on the threads lately having a good laugh over your comments has made my day.
Sweet dreams with Rob & his cob LMAO!
"I believe him. I mean, he doesn't have time to fuck on girls when he's too busy pondering over things like corn." Lmfao, that's genius.
Love Michael K. He always makes me laugh at myself for my ROBsession.
Such eye-opening postings here. Was I too naive to think that the poor child was just eating, possibly thinking whilst enjoying his food, and they took photos of him? Or that he was enjoying his food and became serious when they interrupted his meal to take photos? OR Is everything staged, wtih props?
Michael K. sounds like a familiar name..he had appeared here before right!? (not really keepin' track of anyone aside from ROB)
but the article was hilarious, I guess he just voices out what some women don't get to say out loud. I keep remembering Wide Awake with the unicorn thing!
ok ok I remember, he's also the one who commented on Rob's "I can't get a date" line, I went through the other threads and up to now I'm still not familiar with this hilarious Michael K. guy. Anyway I just like the way he plays with the sarcasm, cuz it doesn't sound sarcastic at all, I'm sure Rob would also find it hilarious.
HAHAHA you kill me gozde. and for serious if micheal k liked girls i'd let him live in my polygamous commune with me, rob and chris weitz. it'd rule.
<3
moon
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