"Expert" Weighs in on Robert Pattinson/Kristen Stewart Body Language

Jezebel "expert" analyzed the body language of Rob, Kristen and Taylor from Comic Con and I love it! Here are 3 of the pics, you can check out the rest here.


TDD: At this point the looks are so intimate, so penetrative, that Buff Werewolf must nervously laugh and close his eyes. His mouth is pulled into a grimace of pain: He's excluded from the… Can I say "eyefuckfest"? Well... Hmm. Nevermind. He's excluded from the sensual ocular copulation Kristen and Robert are having right in front of him. Robert's enjoying it so much he's becoming quite flushed. Every hair on his body is quivering at the sight of her, and even his pinky finger is erect and swollen with desire and yearning…

TDD: Robert pretends not to care as his ONE TRUE LOVE, Kristen, leans in to his rival, the Buff Werewolf. His arms are crossed: He's Pissed. But also protecting himself. His heart. New Moon swoon! His shoulders lean away from Kristen, because he's angry that she is hurting him. But his hips remain close -- magnetically attracted to her. Kristen nonchalantly looks out and away from Robert, avoiding eye contact. She's sort of giving him the finger, and giggling about it. The girl just doesn't give a fuck. She bares her tattooed belly and has her sunglasses ready, in case she needs to split. Meanwhile, the Buff Werewolf keeps his hands near his fly, indicating that he's prepared to have intercourse with her at a moment's notice.

And my favourite:

TDD: This is what is known in body-language speak as "mirroring." When you're attracted to someone, you may find yourself mirroring -- copying -- their body language. Like if they're out to dinner, and they lean in over the table, you'll lean in, too. Or if you're talking on a sofa, he'll put his arm up on the back of the sofa, and you'll put your arm up, too. And then you gaze into each others' eyes, and talk about how majestic the earth must have looked before civilization, and then he kisses you, and you move into the bedroom, and one thing leads to another, and you think, this is it, he's so perfect, and I've always thought an orthodontist would be a good match, and you think maybe you'll get like, a little cabin somewhere, with a lawn and a shabby chic bedroom, and one of those faux French chippy white painted kitchens, and then he never calls, and you spend the next three nights watching old movies and shaking your head at your cat, telling her how dumb she is for being needy, when you're really talking to yourself, and then you eat some Butter Pecan and pretend none of it ever happened.

(via Spunk Ransom)

P.S.: (Just to save myself some headache) This post is completely sarcastic, please don't post an uptight comment and kill our buzz :))